I want to normalize that because sometimes when a public figure dies especially in a tragic way, people rush to say, you have to be compassionate right now. Don't speak ill of the dead but if that person spent their life dismissing other people's pain, mocking it, minimizing it, even actively contributing to it, it makes sense that your empathy tank might run dry.
That doesn't mean you're celebrating. It doesn't mean you're cold hearted. It just means your compassion has limits and those limits are often shaped by how much compassion someone showed in their lifetime.
There’s actually something psychologically healthy about noticing that boundary. You're not obligated to manufacture sorrow for someone who never extended any to you, your community, or people you care about.
You can hold both I don't wish this on anyone and I don't feel sad about it either. That's not cruelty. That's honesty and it feels really weird and uncomfortable to hold both of those in your body at the same time.
This isn't about telling you not to be compassionate. It's about giving you permission to notice whatever you honestly feel or don't feel and trust that it's valid.
- Jeff Guenther, LPC
